The 2011 Chicago Marathon was today. Tomorrow will mark 1 year since the 2010 Chicago Marathon. A lot of things were going through my mind this morning.
I can't believe it's been a year, and I have barely started running again. My original plan was to take a month or two off and then pick up where I left off. Boy, is that not the way it's gone.
I started running again semi-consistently...a least twice a week. I restarted about 3 weeks ago. My first run back was amazing. The other day I remembered how much I loved running. Working out in my living room is just not the same. It's not actual ME time. When I'm running it's just the road and me. I don't have to worry about the dogs, John, work, errands, etc. I just have to worry about putting one foot in front of the other. I was so rejuvenated...I began to think about running the Germantown Half Marathon in March.
All of those positive thoughts came to a screeching halt today. I decided to go running to celebrate all those running the marathon today. I made it about half a mile and began to question why I was even running. The word failure kept playing through my mind. I felt like a failure for only running 18 of the 26.2 miles last year. I felt like a failure for deciding not to try again at the St. Jude Marathon 2 months later. I felt like a failure for not starting back to my running. I felt like a failure by going out to run 3 miles while wearing my Chicago Marathon shire. I felt like a failure for making my friends and family spend their time and money to come to Chicago to not see me cross the finish line. I couldn't shake these thoughts...I walked the half mile back to my house crying the whole way.
I'm going to try to go for a run tomorrow before work. Let's hope these negative thoughts leave my head.